when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
