Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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