I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
