Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
