Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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