i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
