i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
