Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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