My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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