Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
