Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this just has baby written all over it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
