i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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