tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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