The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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