I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My bed smells like the plague
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