I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
