I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
