OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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