she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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