Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
