Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
