I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
