So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I touched a dick in church today
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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