So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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