My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
