I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
