So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
