I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
