i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
