Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
