How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just google imaged poop.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
