Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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