woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
