Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
