i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
