You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
