the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
