My balls are so social today.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
