i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
