there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
