Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
