making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
