Four minutes until I can fart!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
