I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
