we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
