This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
