I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
