If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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