I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Your dad touched me again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
