sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
