His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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