My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
