I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
