does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
