What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
