Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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