i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
