I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
